The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
