a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
