What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
