So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
