I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
