Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
