I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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