You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
