She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
