Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
