WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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