Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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