I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
