is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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