I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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