i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
