I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
