It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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