so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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