He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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