OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
