You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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