I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
