Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
