Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you win again, gameday.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
