ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
