i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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