what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
