Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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