i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
