dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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