You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
