god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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