I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
