Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
