What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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