Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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