I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
