And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
