she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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