My friends, they love my intelligence
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
