We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
