just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
