As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My life is pants optional.
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