Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
