Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
