You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Girls should come with a carfax report
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
