i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
50% drunk capacity currently
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
