does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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