She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
