btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
